An 'interesting' holiday home

Recently my family and I went on a lovely holiday to Luxembourg.  The scenery was beautiful, the places we visited were interesting, in fact we had a lovely time.  It was even, perhaps, enhanced by the fact that every evening we got to laugh at the increasingly bizarre things we found in our holiday home.

Our first clue that things weren't quite right should have been the fact that even the doorstep was trying to run away from the house

What is this hole for?  Did there used to be another beam there?  If so, where has it gone?  Is it a necessary beam?  If so, we'd quite like it back please.

I understand that fitting wood paneling is difficult, I also understand that neatly edging wood paneling is difficult (although not THIS difficult!), but really what's your excuse for the two inch gap between panels above that window?

Murals are lovely, in their place, which isn't in a place you're trying to rent to tourists for actual money

Not just one random hole, not just two random holes, but three random holes.  And a free wooden grate which doesn't quite fit the random hole for you to trip over on a regular basis.  Bonus!

Can't be bothered to paper behind that radiator?  Don't bother, no one will notice!

There's really very little you can do when your window sealant just won't stop trying to escape

Now I don't necessarily expect a perfectly groomed garden, but three pots of dead plants, a bathtub full of grass and a raised stinging nettle bed wasn't in my must-see list of Luxembourg scenery

Not enough skirting board to finish the job?  Never mind, just use an offcut with a chunk missing, that'll be fine.

Curved ceilings are unusual, cork coving is unusual, cork coving positioned three inches below a curved ceiling is just plain bizarre!

I'm no expert, but I'd have thought that if you want to appeal to a mass market, decor like this isn't recommended

Arched doorway needing a door?  Don't worry, just put a rectangular door there, I'm sure nobody will notice.

Just because you write 'Library' on the wall doesn't make it a library.  For one thing, libraries have also books which aren't by John Grisham

Really?  You're going to charge me 20 euros if I damage a Playstation One game?  Those games I can't get anyone to buy on ebay even if I put them up for 99p?  Really?

I would make comment about the peeling ceiling, but really, compared to everything else ...

Actually, what is this?  I know you're trying to prevent me from getting up onto that balcony area but there have surely got to be better ways than constructing a bizarre tweed cubicle in the way

Oh, the tricky world of glass blocks.  First you find you haven't got enough room so you have to put the end ones in at an angle, then you run out altogether so you put a big old plank of wood on top of the wall instead because that's almost the same thing, then you discover that you haven't got enough for your window.  Don't worry, you've got some different ones, but they do have holes in, what will you do?  I know, stuff them with rolled up newspaper, that's what any sane person would do!

What even is this?  Was this?  Answers on a postcard ...

Ah, the party room, where you can marvel at the sink which isn't plumbed in, play spot two matching cupboard doors, wonder where the rest of the cupboard doors have gone, listen to the benches creak if more than one person sits on them, or play on the broken table football table where the ball falls on the floor every time anyone scores a goal.  Also, this might be a room specifically for partying in, but make sure all the fun is over by 10 or the neighbours 'will not hesitate to call the police'

If you're looking for a holiday home where you can take your life into your own hands you've come to the right place!  You can electrocute yourself on any of a selection of wires, one of which is directly above a top bunk.  Fun fun fun!

What did they cut these tiles with?  Their teeth?

Want to liven up that boring old stairway?  Hang a rug with an outline of a horse on it over the landing.  Obviously.

Security is obviously not paramount since about an eight year old child could fit in the gap between this door and the wall.

Want to decorate your holiday home?  What you need is:
1. a picture frame with absolutely nothing in it
2. a picture frame containing a picture of a pile of rubble
3. three matching picture frames each containing four pictures of windows

Relax - go on, it says so on the wall.  Not sure how, however, since this room has no furniture except on high chair tucked in a little nook.  Maybe you're supposed to relax by hanging yourself up on one of those random pegs on the wall ...

Now I'm aware that accidents happen, but seriously, this isn't even half of the graffiti we found around the house.

This house seriously brings impracticability to a whole new level.  Here we have:
1. a television which is half obscured by the lounge door whenever it is open.  This was not a problem, however, since the TV didn't work anyway.
2. a cooker hood which is positioned at such a height that anybody over the height of about five and a half foot is unable to see what they are cooking
3. a lovely pointy jutting out bit of bathroom - right above where your head is when you have a bath
4. A bathroom cabinet which sticks out only just less than the sink it's above.  Therefore, even though you accidentally headbutt the mirror every night, you still miss the sink when spitting out your toothpaste

Want to make your arch look authentic?  Use stick on textured bricks.  Then forget that there isn't as much room on the left side of the arch as there is on the right.  Then stick the bricks on really badly so they sag outwards and look horribly fake.  Job done!

Moving out so you can let your house to tourists?  Don't know what to do with that old fish tank?  Here's the ideal solution, why don't you fill it with Lego people and random objects and make a fetching diorama?  That won't be at all weird.