Half term is upon us, so I've got all sorts of stuff to post about, but for now I'm going on a rant. I'm almost certainly about to make myself extremely unpopular, so to all those who are about to 'unfriend' me on Facebook, it was nice knowing you.
I love my children, I love them more than anything, but I also love my husband and I don't think it's unreasonable to be a person too. I make a lot of time for my kids, regular readers of my blog will know the enormous amount of effort I go to to put together activities to do with them - from cooking to balloons full of paint, to maths competitions with Maltesers as prizes (that was today, that post is coming later, watch this space) but I only have the energy for all this because I get couple time and 'me' time.
All three of my children have learned from a very early age that from 8 in the evening it's time for sleeping. I have spent hours with each of them getting this to work, which involves (gasp!) leaving them to cry. I don't enjoy listening to my children cry, but do you know what? They're fine. Every ten minutes I go upstairs and rock them until they're quiet (honestly, if rocking them makes them quiet, there's nothing seriously wrong) and then disappear for another ten minutes. After about two weeks (or what feels like about two years) all three of them got the hang of it, 8 o'clock is the time that they go in the dark and on their own, and they go to sleep. They get enough sleep, I get time to do my own thing, I can put up with whatever they throw at me the next day.
The same thing goes for sleeping in my bed - it's my bed, they have their own beds and they can sleep in them. If they're ill and I have an early start that's another thing, but aside from the odd day they don't sleep in my bed. They have their own beds, although you'd think I make them sleep in the shed from the reactions of some people that my middle daughter has never slept in my bed, but I once asked her if she wanted to get in when she had been sick at 3am and she looked at me like I was mad and asked why she would want to do that.
When they were little I also made them wait for feeds, with other children and a busy life I simply didn't have time for demand feeding - when you've got to get to after school clubs and music lessons, and then cook dinner and get children into bed on time sometimes these things just have to wait; and I won't take any nonsense over food either. If you're not hungry that's fine, but there's no pudding and there's nothing else to eat until the next meal time. That's the rule, it's always been the rule and as long as you stick to it, nobody argues. Do you know what, none of them have starved. There are things they don't like but in general they're all really good eaters, and they love trying new foods.
And what has this crazy regime of having a few hours in the evening to myself done to my children? Absolutely nothing, they are well adjusted, independent, polite and friendly. They love time with me, but they can also entertain themselves, and having a routine means that they know where they are and what they are doing. School holidays we do two activities a day, and I get nagged to make sure they get done, so time together is fitted in just the same as everything else, so they feel valued and considered.
Don't get me wrong, if you feel the need to cuddle your children until they fall asleep, or have them sleeping in your bed until they're 8 then go ahead, I have no problem with that, there are loads of different ways to parent and I'm not claiming that mine is better than anyone else's, but what I am sick of is the comments and the posts on Facebook about how terrible it is to ever let your child cry, or to, essentially, have a life of your own if you are a parent. I'm not claiming that I have all the answers, I can think of plenty of things I should have done differently, but I'm also not a Disney villain who sits in my evil lair rubbing my hands together in glee at the sound of miserable children and I want somebody, for once, to make a case for a way of parenting for which I, increasingly, feel like I have to hide.
I love my children, I love them more than anything, but I also love my husband and I don't think it's unreasonable to be a person too. I make a lot of time for my kids, regular readers of my blog will know the enormous amount of effort I go to to put together activities to do with them - from cooking to balloons full of paint, to maths competitions with Maltesers as prizes (that was today, that post is coming later, watch this space) but I only have the energy for all this because I get couple time and 'me' time.
All three of my children have learned from a very early age that from 8 in the evening it's time for sleeping. I have spent hours with each of them getting this to work, which involves (gasp!) leaving them to cry. I don't enjoy listening to my children cry, but do you know what? They're fine. Every ten minutes I go upstairs and rock them until they're quiet (honestly, if rocking them makes them quiet, there's nothing seriously wrong) and then disappear for another ten minutes. After about two weeks (or what feels like about two years) all three of them got the hang of it, 8 o'clock is the time that they go in the dark and on their own, and they go to sleep. They get enough sleep, I get time to do my own thing, I can put up with whatever they throw at me the next day.
The same thing goes for sleeping in my bed - it's my bed, they have their own beds and they can sleep in them. If they're ill and I have an early start that's another thing, but aside from the odd day they don't sleep in my bed. They have their own beds, although you'd think I make them sleep in the shed from the reactions of some people that my middle daughter has never slept in my bed, but I once asked her if she wanted to get in when she had been sick at 3am and she looked at me like I was mad and asked why she would want to do that.
When they were little I also made them wait for feeds, with other children and a busy life I simply didn't have time for demand feeding - when you've got to get to after school clubs and music lessons, and then cook dinner and get children into bed on time sometimes these things just have to wait; and I won't take any nonsense over food either. If you're not hungry that's fine, but there's no pudding and there's nothing else to eat until the next meal time. That's the rule, it's always been the rule and as long as you stick to it, nobody argues. Do you know what, none of them have starved. There are things they don't like but in general they're all really good eaters, and they love trying new foods.
And what has this crazy regime of having a few hours in the evening to myself done to my children? Absolutely nothing, they are well adjusted, independent, polite and friendly. They love time with me, but they can also entertain themselves, and having a routine means that they know where they are and what they are doing. School holidays we do two activities a day, and I get nagged to make sure they get done, so time together is fitted in just the same as everything else, so they feel valued and considered.
Don't get me wrong, if you feel the need to cuddle your children until they fall asleep, or have them sleeping in your bed until they're 8 then go ahead, I have no problem with that, there are loads of different ways to parent and I'm not claiming that mine is better than anyone else's, but what I am sick of is the comments and the posts on Facebook about how terrible it is to ever let your child cry, or to, essentially, have a life of your own if you are a parent. I'm not claiming that I have all the answers, I can think of plenty of things I should have done differently, but I'm also not a Disney villain who sits in my evil lair rubbing my hands together in glee at the sound of miserable children and I want somebody, for once, to make a case for a way of parenting for which I, increasingly, feel like I have to hide.
