Just for fun

I love the little things in life, the pointless little extras which make life surprising and more fun.  That's why I can't put biscuits out on a plate without arranging them in a tower, and I used to put notes in my little brother's lunchbox commenting on how tasty his sandwich looked.  It's for this reason I can't help but do this every time I change my kids' bedcovers.

I'm particularly proud of the two playing cards on the left

It almost never fails to make them giggle and that, to me, is well worth the extra five minutes it takes me to do.  I like to think it's one of those things which will produce happy memories when they're all grown up, and maybe will continue doing it for their own kids.

Musical bottles

This week I'm in the middle of several big projects (a room decoration, bed building) and the child the tortoise costume is for is away with school for a few days so I can't do any more of that.  So I'm going back to the summer and an activity I did with the children while they were off school.

Step 1.
Drink enough beer to have a selection of empty glass bottles

Step 2.
Fill them up with different amounts of water, and space them out in order

Step 3.
Arm your children with pencils to hit them with and attempt to play tunes

Short and sweet but I've got a lot to do.  More soon ...

Games for a 9 year old's party

My middle daughter decided for the first time for a couple of years that she wanted a birthday party this year.  Ignoring the fact that she decided this five days before her birthday and extremely close to the end of term which caused all sorts of problems, her biggest stipulation was that, being the grand old age of 9, she didn't want a babyish party, she wanted something more grown up.

Being that my eldest chose to go for days out with one or two friends from about the age of six I've got the little children's parties sussed, but I've never done one for an older child, especially one concerned that if we got it wrong, all of her friends would laugh at her.  Fortunately I enlist my parents to help me out with parties - my dad and I alternate a game each while my mum is in charge of organising food and stuffing the party bags - and I had parties until I was 10 so they've done this sort of thing before.

Anyway, we did some games that worked great, so here's a rundown of the better ones that the kids really enjoyed:

French Cricket

As they arrived we were playing a game of French Cricket in the back garden.  The idea is that one person stands in the middle of garden holding a cricket bat.  A ball is then thrown and they attempt to knock it away with the bat but they are not allowed to move their feet at all.  If they are hit with the ball below the knee they are out, or if they hit the ball and it is caught before it bounces they are out.  The next ball is thrown from wherever it lands or is stopped or caught.  They therefore will end up at some points having to hit a ball which is thrown from behind them, but not being able to move their feet means they have to twist round with the cricket bat.

When they are out the person who threw or caught the ball replaces them as batter and the game continues.

This is ideal for people arriving at the party as people can join in as and when they arrive and it the game can be stopped at any point.

Sixes

Make big numbers 1 to 6 and put them up around your garden / hall.  Children then choose a number to stand next to (but they are not allowed to choose 6).  A dice is thrown (I found a 16cm foam dice on ebay for less than £10 which I used, it was ideal because all the children could see it easily from a distance)  and anyone who is standing next to the number thrown has to go and stand by the number 6.  If a 6 is thrown then anybody there comes back into the game.  You continue until there is only one person left in and they are the winner.

Sock Sprint

Make a huge pile of socks in the middle of the floor.  Children get into teams of two and one child from each team puts on as many socks onto one foot as they can in one minute while their teammate cheers them on.  The highlight seemed to be counting the socks as they came off the feet.  You do have to carefully choose the children whose socks are falling off, or are in danger of cutting off the blood supply to their feet to count first but the game was an enormous success.

Six for a Forfeit

Children sit in a circle and take it in turns to roll a dice, if they roll a six they take a forfeit from a bag without looking and have to do the forfeit.  Forfeits I went for were:

* Pretend to be a chicken with its bottom on fire

* Make a paper aeroplane with one hand

* Name five things you might find in your schoolbag

* Sing 'baa baa black sheep'

* Do an impression of your dad dancing

* Walk around the circle on your knees

* Copy everything the person sitting on your left does

* Pretend you're stroking a long moustache every time you speak until the end of the game

* Do an impression of a monkey

* Give a 30 second talk about why you love pigs

* Count in threes to 30

* Name everyone in the room with your eyes closed

* Push a ball around the circle with your nose

* Say "red lorry yellow lorry" ten times fast

* Pretend you're stroking an invisible cat until someone else rolls a six

* Stand on one leg until the next person rolls a six

* Count backwards from 25

* Sing "Happy Birthday" while holding your nose

High Jump / Limbo

We used the same garden-cane-on-two-pieces-of-wood-with-nails-in for both of these, the high jump obviously started low and got higher, while the limbo started high and got lower.  One girl was amazing at this!  They got in a line and took it in turns, once they had had a go they went to the back of the line

Treasure Hunt

For this the children were split into threes.  Each three was given a hula hoop (the kind you spin round your waist, not the kind you eat) which they all had to get into and they weren't allowed to get out again until the treasure had been found.  Each team had a different colour set of clues.  

The first one was a simple code, A=1, B=2 etc, which spelt out where the next clue was.

The second one was a riddle - my first is in dinner but not in dine etc

The third clue told you that a grown up had the next clue but they needed the answer to a sum, so the children had to walk round shouting '14' at all the adults until they were presented with a clue

The last one was another riddle - I have legs, arms and a back, you use me for resting.

Mad Libs

If you haven't encountered Mad Libs before you're missing out in life - look them up online.  Essentially they are a piece of writing with various pieces of salient information missing, you then fill in the information without any context whatsoever (eg. name an adverb, name a verb ending with -ing, name an animal, name a type of shoe etc) - the result is almost always hilarious.  The children sat down beautifully for these several times throughout the party and this was great for a rest between physically demanding games.

Fun with packaging

This week we've had a rowing machine delivered.  Why we have had a rowing machine delivered is entirely a different story which may appear on here at some point, but for today all you need to know is that it has been delivered.

Anyway, it came in a HUGE box which was, of course, a cause of much excitement among my children.  After much discussion it was decided that it should become a house (the last one became a castle and I believe we've had a boat at some point in the past).

Step 1. Acquire a big old cardboard box

Step 2. Use stanley knife with 'Jonathan' written on the side handily (and mysteriously) left in your garden after a barbecue at which there was nobody called Jonathan to cut slits and fold the cardboard ends into a roof shape.  By cutting through only one side of the cardboard the rest can be folded which gives a nice big base to attach the side to with glue and sellotape

Step 4. Use some more of the packing cardboard to cover over the rest of the roof

Step 5. Cut door in one end.  Three sides need to be cut right through the cardboard, the fourth side needs to be cut through just one layer of cardboard so that it will work as a hinge

Step 6. Use a similar method to cut the windows, leaving a hinge at the top.  We also found some clear plastic from an old folder to staple on to work as 'glass'

Step 7. Find some scraps of fabric for the children to make curtains with.  These have also been stapled on but just at the top so they hang and the window can still be opened.

Step 8. Add chimney your children have inexplicably insisted on.  Fill with cushions.  Wait for the inevitable how-many-of-us-can-we-fit-in-this-house fun which will follow

An 'interesting' holiday home

Recently my family and I went on a lovely holiday to Luxembourg.  The scenery was beautiful, the places we visited were interesting, in fact we had a lovely time.  It was even, perhaps, enhanced by the fact that every evening we got to laugh at the increasingly bizarre things we found in our holiday home.

Our first clue that things weren't quite right should have been the fact that even the doorstep was trying to run away from the house

What is this hole for?  Did there used to be another beam there?  If so, where has it gone?  Is it a necessary beam?  If so, we'd quite like it back please.

I understand that fitting wood paneling is difficult, I also understand that neatly edging wood paneling is difficult (although not THIS difficult!), but really what's your excuse for the two inch gap between panels above that window?

Murals are lovely, in their place, which isn't in a place you're trying to rent to tourists for actual money

Not just one random hole, not just two random holes, but three random holes.  And a free wooden grate which doesn't quite fit the random hole for you to trip over on a regular basis.  Bonus!

Can't be bothered to paper behind that radiator?  Don't bother, no one will notice!

There's really very little you can do when your window sealant just won't stop trying to escape

Now I don't necessarily expect a perfectly groomed garden, but three pots of dead plants, a bathtub full of grass and a raised stinging nettle bed wasn't in my must-see list of Luxembourg scenery

Not enough skirting board to finish the job?  Never mind, just use an offcut with a chunk missing, that'll be fine.

Curved ceilings are unusual, cork coving is unusual, cork coving positioned three inches below a curved ceiling is just plain bizarre!

I'm no expert, but I'd have thought that if you want to appeal to a mass market, decor like this isn't recommended

Arched doorway needing a door?  Don't worry, just put a rectangular door there, I'm sure nobody will notice.

Just because you write 'Library' on the wall doesn't make it a library.  For one thing, libraries have also books which aren't by John Grisham

Really?  You're going to charge me 20 euros if I damage a Playstation One game?  Those games I can't get anyone to buy on ebay even if I put them up for 99p?  Really?

I would make comment about the peeling ceiling, but really, compared to everything else ...

Actually, what is this?  I know you're trying to prevent me from getting up onto that balcony area but there have surely got to be better ways than constructing a bizarre tweed cubicle in the way

Oh, the tricky world of glass blocks.  First you find you haven't got enough room so you have to put the end ones in at an angle, then you run out altogether so you put a big old plank of wood on top of the wall instead because that's almost the same thing, then you discover that you haven't got enough for your window.  Don't worry, you've got some different ones, but they do have holes in, what will you do?  I know, stuff them with rolled up newspaper, that's what any sane person would do!

What even is this?  Was this?  Answers on a postcard ...

Ah, the party room, where you can marvel at the sink which isn't plumbed in, play spot two matching cupboard doors, wonder where the rest of the cupboard doors have gone, listen to the benches creak if more than one person sits on them, or play on the broken table football table where the ball falls on the floor every time anyone scores a goal.  Also, this might be a room specifically for partying in, but make sure all the fun is over by 10 or the neighbours 'will not hesitate to call the police'

If you're looking for a holiday home where you can take your life into your own hands you've come to the right place!  You can electrocute yourself on any of a selection of wires, one of which is directly above a top bunk.  Fun fun fun!

What did they cut these tiles with?  Their teeth?

Want to liven up that boring old stairway?  Hang a rug with an outline of a horse on it over the landing.  Obviously.

Security is obviously not paramount since about an eight year old child could fit in the gap between this door and the wall.

Want to decorate your holiday home?  What you need is:
1. a picture frame with absolutely nothing in it
2. a picture frame containing a picture of a pile of rubble
3. three matching picture frames each containing four pictures of windows

Relax - go on, it says so on the wall.  Not sure how, however, since this room has no furniture except on high chair tucked in a little nook.  Maybe you're supposed to relax by hanging yourself up on one of those random pegs on the wall ...

Now I'm aware that accidents happen, but seriously, this isn't even half of the graffiti we found around the house.

This house seriously brings impracticability to a whole new level.  Here we have:
1. a television which is half obscured by the lounge door whenever it is open.  This was not a problem, however, since the TV didn't work anyway.
2. a cooker hood which is positioned at such a height that anybody over the height of about five and a half foot is unable to see what they are cooking
3. a lovely pointy jutting out bit of bathroom - right above where your head is when you have a bath
4. A bathroom cabinet which sticks out only just less than the sink it's above.  Therefore, even though you accidentally headbutt the mirror every night, you still miss the sink when spitting out your toothpaste

Want to make your arch look authentic?  Use stick on textured bricks.  Then forget that there isn't as much room on the left side of the arch as there is on the right.  Then stick the bricks on really badly so they sag outwards and look horribly fake.  Job done!

Moving out so you can let your house to tourists?  Don't know what to do with that old fish tank?  Here's the ideal solution, why don't you fill it with Lego people and random objects and make a fetching diorama?  That won't be at all weird.